How Children Really Learn: The Science Behind Play

This article encourages parents to reduce excessive screen time and increase unstructured play opportunities.

I began thinking about this topic in depth back in 2009 when my partner, Kim Kurth, researched children's play and wrote an article for Frisco Style Magazine. But honestly, the seeds were planted much earlier.

When I was a preteen, my family would get together with the McGowen family. My sister and I would head down to their basement with Mary Margaret and Danny, and we'd pretend we were on the PBS show ZOOM. We'd make up skits, create games, and lose ourselves for hours in that world we built together. Then we'd develop these elaborate performances and force our parents to sit through them upstairs. Those basement sessions were so meaningful that I actually had dreams about them well into adulthood.

Years later, as a tennis coach, I saw this same phenomenon with a former student, Eric Hadigian, who went on to play at Gonzaga and then Pepperdine. His mother would tell me about their dining room, where they'd removed all the furniture and pinned a mini net to the wall. Eric would play matches against that wall, imagining he was his favorite pros, actually keeping score and fully immersing himself in his tennis world. He was learning the game in a way no structured lesson could have taught him.

What boy or girl hasn't shot baskets imagining they were hitting a fallaway buzzer-beating three-pointer like Steph Curry to win the game, or making a game-winning penalty kick in a World Cup soccer match? This kind of play is so natural we almost take it for granted.

After more than three decades working with kids and raising three daughters of my own, I've come to understand what made those moments so powerful. The best learning happens when kids are having fun - not the structured, adult-directed kind of fun, but the messy, creative, sometimes chaotic kind where they're figuring things out for themselves.

Now brain research has caught up to what many of us observed long ago. The American Academy of Pediatrics put it simply: when kids play with friends and family, they develop social skills, thinking skills, language, and self-control. All the stuff that builds a strong brain.

Think of it this way: play is like a gym for the brain. It builds the muscle, not just the knowledge.

What Really Happens When Kids Play

You know how a good mechanic can tell what's wrong with your car just by listening to the engine? Well, scientists can now look inside children's brains while they play. And what they see is remarkable.

Whether kids are chasing each other around the playground, jamming in the garage with makeshift instruments, or building elaborate cities with blocks, their brains create new connections that help with learning and getting along with people.

Here's the kicker: kids who don't get enough play have trouble with brain development and problem-solving. It's like trying to drive a car that's never had a tune-up.

Three Simple Stages Every Parent Should Know

Think of child development like building a house. You need a solid foundation before you put up the walls, and you need walls before you put on the roof.

Ages 0-2: Building the Foundation
These little ones are learning the basics - how to reach, grab, and let go. They need simple stuff to explore. Nothing fancy - just safe places to crawl around, things to touch, and equipment that moves when they push it. Like giving them the tools to build their foundation.

Ages 2-7: The Walls Go Up Fast
This is when things get exciting. Kids learn to run, jump, throw, and catch seemingly overnight. They need equipment that spins, rocks, and challenges their balance. Why? Because this stuff develops the inner ear system that controls balance. It's like wiring the house - boring but absolutely essential.

Ages 7+: Adding the Roof
Now they want to test their limits. They're ready for monkey bars, climbing nets, and equipment that requires real coordination. They're not just learning anymore - they're proving what they can do.

The Big Mistake We're Making

The Lego Foundation (and these folks know a thing or two about how kids learn) found that people learn best when the experience is joyful, connects to their real life, keeps them engaged, lets them try again when they mess up, and involves other people.

Sounds pretty obvious when you say it like that, doesn't it?

But here's what's nuts: many kids aren't getting enough of these experiences. And it's not because we lack good playgrounds or equipment. Studies show that play improves language skills, problem-solving, and even math skills. Some types of creative play help kids stick with tough tasks.

We're sitting on a goldmine and walking right past it.

Why Kids Making Up Their Own Games Is Like Discovering Gold

Ever watch kids when nobody's telling them what to do? They'll turn a cardboard box into a spaceship, make up elaborate rules for games you've never heard of, or spend hours perfecting a song nobody will ever hear.

They're not just goofing around. They're doing something priceless: learning to think on their feet in a world that's changing faster than any curriculum can keep up.

Brain scientists figured out why this works so well. When kids plan physical activities, they use both the part of their brain that controls movement and the part that handles thinking and planning. It's like cross-training for the mind - you get stronger in ways you didn't expect.

This builds skills every kid needs: remembering important stuff while doing something else, adapting when things don't go as planned, and staying focused when there are distractions everywhere.

When kids make up games with friends, they've got to negotiate rules, work out arguments, and adjust when someone new joins in. The kid who can't handle losing or won't compromise? They get left out pretty quick. Harsh but effective - these are life lessons you can't get from any textbook or app.

Here's Something That'll Surprise You

Physical play isn't separate from school smarts - it's what makes school smarts possible.

Think about it like this: exercise gets your blood pumping, right? Well, when kids move their bodies, blood flows better to their brains. Plus, physical activity increases something called BDNF - basically brain fertilizer that helps memory and learning.

Studies prove it: more physical activity in schools doesn't hurt grades. Usually helps them. And here's what many miss: this doesn't require expensive equipment or elaborate programs. Kids playing actively - using their whole bodies, their imaginations, their social skills - gets blood flowing to the brain and builds neural connections. Simple as that.

As someone who's spent decades optimizing performance, I've learned that the most powerful tools are often the most basic ones.

What Every Parent Should Do

The research all points to one thing: kids need plenty of unstructured play time. At least an hour a day in a safe place where they can "make up their own fun, their own rules, their own experiences."

That means backing off from scheduling every minute. Kids need time to be bored, figure things out on their own, work things out with friends, and yeah - deal with some disappointment and conflict. These aren't bugs in the system, they're features that build tough, resilient people.

The big change most families need to make? Cut back on passive screen time. Kids who mostly play with screens will see their physical skills go downhill. I'm not saying throw out the iPad, but protect time for kids to move, create, and interact with real people.

And here's the beautiful part: you don't need to buy anything. Keep a box of old scarves, cardboard tubes, and empty boxes in the corner - kids will do the rest.

The Bottom Line

As someone who's spent decades thinking about human performance - first in tennis, now in the broader arc of development - I've learned that the fundamentals are often hiding in plain sight.

Kids playing actively - using their whole bodies, their imaginations, their social skills - aren't just having fun. They're building the foundation for everything that comes next. The research proves it, but frankly, we didn't need studies to tell us what we could see with our own eyes.

Whether it was in a basement in the 1970s, a dining room in the 2000s, or a playground today, the lesson is the same: play is where kids learn who they are. And maybe, just maybe, we should stop trying to improve on a system that's been working for thousands of years.

After all, that sounds like a pretty good investment to me.

References

American Academy of Pediatrics. (2018). The Power of Play: A Pediatric Role in Enhancing Development in Young Children. Pediatrics, 142(3), e20182058.

Frontiers in Education. (2022). Learning Through Play at School – A Framework for Policy and Practice. Frontiers in Education.

Harding, J. (2023). The Brain that Loves to Play. Neuroscience News.

Learning Through Play. (2024). The scientific case for learning through play. Lego Foundation.

National Association for the Education of Young Children. (2022). The Power of Playful Learning in the Early Childhood Setting. Young Children.

PMC Studies. (2021). Improving Motor Skills in Early Childhood through Goal-Oriented Play Activity. PMC.

Reflection Sciences. (2024). The Dance of Development: Motor Skills and the Brain.

The Hechinger Report. (2022). The benefits of play are immense across all ages, research shows.